The Accidental Housewife
Today I went to Costco, returned a sweater that I loved but had no business buying and went to the Apple store in a mall. Nothing makes me feel more like a suburban housewife than going to Costo and to the mall in the middle of the day.
As I re-enter my writing life, I still have some of the unpleasant patterns that I'd established when I was home full-time. As I write about in my book, Welcome to My Breakdown (still shopping for a publisher!), I had planned to be a stay-at-home mom for one year. After publishing and touring and publishing and touring with four novels, I finished my contract and was exhausted. I decided that I needed to stay home for a year with my son, who was four and had had nannies and Au pairs for those years. I thought (still do) that he needed my stamp on him. So, initially I figured I'd be with him for that last nursery school year and resume my very successful writing career when he entered kindergarten.
My plan was to find a lovely Mary Poppins or more accurately, a Mabel Perkins and I could happily go back to my career life as it used to be...well the first year was so good. I felt he was really blossoming under the sun that I'd bathed him, give it another year, I'd thought. Well kindergarten turned to first grade then second and then third. By then, I'd found myself being swallowed up by domestic obligations and resentment swallowed with early afternoon cocktails.
Now my darling boy has just entered middle school--6th grade--and I've finally finished a book.
Now, I'm resuming my pre-accidental life. Before I offend all the stay-at-home moms, believe me when I say, I know it's hard work to take care of a house and be everything, do everything, for your children. Some women have a beautiful temperament for the job, some don't. I think I fall somewhere in the middle, I want to be there for my kids, but not 24/7. I need to work and have an outside life that doesn't include my family. So there I said it.
Now, if I could just find some paper towels at my local store that I like as much as that Costco brand.
I'm with you on the subject of housewifery: sometimes it just overtakes us, especially when it's complicated by so many other responsibilities that fall to us because, well, who else? (Two of my three have moved on to college. Meanwhile, Mom is moving in!) Good luck with selling the memoir!
ReplyDeleteI'm with you too Benilde. I'm glad and thankful I was able to stay home, but also as thankful for the many things I did that gave me a sense of accomplishment, independence, achievement. I fall somewhere in the middle too, which was a great disappointment. I thought I'd be supermom. Hate to say it, motherhood is the hardest thing I've ever done and a lot of the work is thankless...unless I look at it in the long term, which I can do now that my kids are grown!! There's a new book out called Desperate - Hope for the Mom Who Needs to Breathe. It's written by an older 50+ mom and a 30+ mom. Haven't read it, but it's sounding pretty brilliant to me. I did feel desperate many time as a mom. All the best to you selling your book.
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing your story. I know when my daughter leaves for college in the fall, I'm going to be so sad and will miss her terribly--the fights around the arduous college admissions process notwithstanding.
DeleteI'll be following along on Facebook. That's how it's easiest to keep up with what you've posted. Good luck with the book -- I look forward to reading it.
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